When you are rushing down a well-worn freeway that you have driven a thousand times, you aren't paying attention to the signs. You already know the exits, the speed-limits, the difficult sections of rough road. It all becomes so mundane and boring. I have even been surprised by the amusing "novelty" of finding myself to be following the same car, with the same goofy bumper sticker, on the same stretch of road, at the same time, on consecutive mornings. This lets me know, I am not alone in this daily grind... You have felt it too.
The only desire that I feel driving me forward in those moments is the desire to not get fired. It feels like I am primarily holding on to what I've got.
I know from first hand knowledge that those types of autopilot commutes are actually prime time for accidents to happen. It is the illusion of sameness and safety that lulls us into a faith in our own skills, an expectation (no matter how wrongly assumed) that our neighboring vehicles will keep the proper distance and that mechanical malfunctions will be safely dealt with on the side of the road, and not explosively... in the center lane.
Then the accident happens and you realize that cars are terrifyingly big and heavy when they can't be stopped, the physical laws of the universe are not always kind, and life is found to be utterly precious.
I was going to say next that pain will take the fight right out of a person, but I mean something different. Some people get more angry and spiteful when they experience pain, but I see this as a reaction to the terrible realization that suffering is something fully beyond their control. I think I've hit on what I mean right there: pain pulls back the veil and exposes a kind of "shameful" lack of actual control...over anything.
The way that the above illustrates the hardships, and tragedies that spring up during our lives is so obvious as to not warrant mentioning, but I did want to say one small thing about it. As we heal from the physical results of something like an accident, I think that it becomes a painfully present fact that although we can get the good doctor to set our broken bones and offer some comforting medication and braces to support us as we heal, the actual knitting together of broken bones and torn tissue is done completely outside of the realm of human intervention and is accomplished on a timetable all its own. Putting a broken leg into use before it is fully healed may serve the ego, or the ambition, or even to give us the approval of those close to us who may want us to, "get back at it'", but it will most likely result in chronic pain or worse - another painful break.
What I mean to write about in this post is not the sleepy commute punctuated by horrific calamity, pain and healing, but something different entirely. To relate it in similar terms, what I am talking about is akin to a person driving to an unknown destination based on a rumor and a desire.
You have a vacation day. One of those wonderful days off where you have no serious plans. You overhear a woman in line at a grocery store say, "I hear there is a farm with the most incredible plums out in the back roads of Washington County."
You love plums! In fact at this moment you NEED plums! You get up the courage to risk looking like some sort of fruit stalker and you ask the stranger if she knows any more information about the location of these amazing plum trees.
"Well, I don't remember the name of the place, but my friend was telling me that there was a big green sign out front. Sorry, that's all I know!"
There are decisions to be made. The first half of the day had lazed along fairly well until that contentious argument with your neighbor, where you described in detail how to park one's car in the center of a stall rather than over into the adjoining spot. You secretly wonder why it bothered you so much, but it really did. Do you take the remaining hours of your precious day off and try to find this farm among all of the farms in a vast farming area? Or do you just go back into the grocery store and buy whatever hard, juice-less plum that they may have in stock and head back to the apartment?
Was this day made for exploration, or was it made for comfort and ease?
Were you made to run and chase the natural and pure desires of your heart, or were you made to watchfully guard the stuff you have already got? Will it be a waste of gas that could be spent in more productive ways. Will you lose your way? Does this farm really exist?
You can do all of the research possible, seek all of the advice you can get. You can employ GPS, Google, Facebook, and Yelp, but none of them are going to be of much help to you with your lack of information. So few people have actually been there before you, any information you might gain will be spotty at best. The small but persistent threads you have are: "Incredible Plums", Washington County, green sign, and an intense DESIRE.
What sort of person are you? What sort of God made you?
What are you going to do?
What I mean to write about in this post is not the sleepy commute punctuated by horrific calamity, pain and healing, but something different entirely. To relate it in similar terms, what I am talking about is akin to a person driving to an unknown destination based on a rumor and a desire.
You have a vacation day. One of those wonderful days off where you have no serious plans. You overhear a woman in line at a grocery store say, "I hear there is a farm with the most incredible plums out in the back roads of Washington County."
You love plums! In fact at this moment you NEED plums! You get up the courage to risk looking like some sort of fruit stalker and you ask the stranger if she knows any more information about the location of these amazing plum trees.
"Well, I don't remember the name of the place, but my friend was telling me that there was a big green sign out front. Sorry, that's all I know!"
There are decisions to be made. The first half of the day had lazed along fairly well until that contentious argument with your neighbor, where you described in detail how to park one's car in the center of a stall rather than over into the adjoining spot. You secretly wonder why it bothered you so much, but it really did. Do you take the remaining hours of your precious day off and try to find this farm among all of the farms in a vast farming area? Or do you just go back into the grocery store and buy whatever hard, juice-less plum that they may have in stock and head back to the apartment?
Was this day made for exploration, or was it made for comfort and ease?
Were you made to run and chase the natural and pure desires of your heart, or were you made to watchfully guard the stuff you have already got? Will it be a waste of gas that could be spent in more productive ways. Will you lose your way? Does this farm really exist?
You can do all of the research possible, seek all of the advice you can get. You can employ GPS, Google, Facebook, and Yelp, but none of them are going to be of much help to you with your lack of information. So few people have actually been there before you, any information you might gain will be spotty at best. The small but persistent threads you have are: "Incredible Plums", Washington County, green sign, and an intense DESIRE.
What sort of person are you? What sort of God made you?
What are you going to do?
